MariaMadam

Today I have seen a man use 4 of the 5 washing machines in the laundry room, and at least 8 different detergents. He was heaving and sighing and exhausting himself. It looked like a good workout.

I saw a bird fall towards the ground as he desperately tried to carry with him a stick three times longer than himself. Frantically flapping his wings, he still did not stand a chance in the battle with the stick, but refused to drop it.

I have read British tabloids and feel dumbed down, and don´t know how to recover. But at least now I know that Kylie Minogue is the world´s best dressed woman, that Ashton and Demi are meant to be and will never divorce, and that Victoria Beckham wears bows shaped as a figure eight on her clothes because according to the Feng Shui lifstyle, this attracts wealth.

I have also learned that it is now impossible to have sex on airplanes and that the mile high club is no longer open to new members. I know also that the first time you have sex with someone you really like, it should NOT be on the bed and that you should not bring a toothbrush to your first sleepover. I am exceedingly happy that Glamour chose to tell me all these things, if not, I would have made a very bad impression the next time I chat to the woman next to me at the hairdresser’s.

Tomorrow .. I will not read any of these things. Tomorrow I will get all my work done. I will be intelligent again, and get on top of my work. I promise.